2 AM

 Ah! I am getting old, just saw a song from 'The End of the F***king World' and the nostalgia hit so hard, I am not a teenager anymore. Although I watched the series in 20s, I still don't feel it.

2:13 am here and it's raining, I felt like writing again, starting again.

I know why it's so nostalgic suddenly, I am back to staying late night fixing the OS issues and installing Windows and trying to make the laptop work. Oh! I was back at searching about the Ubuntu and other Linux distro, damn I felt like I am still in college. Those nigths during college I used to do exactly same stuff, but now I am far away from Linux, made a career on Windows haha!

It's just me and my computer just like I was in my college! Except that I now have 2 laptops, a gaming keyboard and a gaming mouse, tomorrow I would be getting a monitor too finally! A small step up on the small dream.

But I am still there right? I am still in that night fixing computers as was in college! Will I ever grow up?

Do other peole grow up too? How do we know if we are a grown up?

What exactly should I be doing now as a grown up?

...

Be The Best Dra

  ...on the raod to become the best Dra ever!

The road won't be easy but you know this will be worth it, and the best, the people need it.

If you are a frequent visitor, I really suggest that you don't open this blog at all, or open it after a month or more than a month. 

The Progress!

The Purpose Of Life

 The Purpose Of Life

Another day, sun is up with bright light,
You still being the same, thinking why?
Look out as the creatures start new with all their might,

While you still try to figure out the purpose of life!

What is it that you trying to figure out,

Thinking again and again about whats not in your control.

Don't you think you should atleast have some workout,
Atleast that could help free mind and lose some cholestrol.

If it not in your control, what is?

This question is haunting you?

Try taking a moment back and think it as is

For its only the thinking that's in your control.

Control the thoughts and you control life,

To answer the question, yes there is a purpose.
The dream that you saw once, to save one's life

Maybe its the purpose that you disowned when its all you think is that you lose.

Now that you are here reading this, 

Find few things that makes up the list

Of all the small things that gradually goes big

And gives a purpose to this beautiful life.

(...under construction)

The Walking Kangaroo

The Walking Kangaroo (Part 1)

Another bump and this time he toppled away losing the sight from beautiful mud he had fixated his eyes on. He has always hated this, as if he could never do or focus on something which he likes, one moment it feels like he has it all and then the bump and it takes all away. Now that his eyes have been averted he looks up and asks 'Ma, why do we jump?'

It was coldest of the night with the cold wind blowing and the sparkiling moonlight on those little eyes. A sudden flow of wind which rested with dust and a creature landing, he looked up and saw the beautiful feathers as ever. Unaware of the surrounding she shrugged off her feathers, cleaned the remainings from her feathers and decided to rest there. As she was resting, a distant voice came up to her saying 'hi'. She did not know where it was from, all she could see was giant legs with lots of furs on it. She replied with dilemma - 'hey?'. Then popped up a head and she saw from the bottom it was a kangaroo hidden in a safe unreachable place, which said again 'hi, how are you?' 

"I am good, how about you?"

"Good good, was just looking at the stars." said the voice from the pocket.

"Oh yes! That's nice, I like the stars too, but the moon, oh I love the moon, it just gives a sense of calm watching the moon ain't it?" she said looking at the moon.

"Yes really, it's as calm as it could be. "

Moon, then stars, and then came the stardust, they talked about it all, it was just the exchange of voices in the cold night. As the moonlight grew a shine calm light hit the bird and he saw her, she was the one of its own, exotic, and extremely rare - Hornbill, people usually call them as Dulungan, with sleak beaks and the beautiful feathers tailing down the warmest brown neck. She was a beauty, a wonder creation of the almighty. She didn't knew he saw her, suddenly she asked - "hey? why are you hiding there? Can you atleast pull up your head so I can see you and not just hear the voice?"

"No, I am shy, also if you see the ugly me you may fly away!"

"What? No! Why would I fly away, your voice is as good, just come out in the moonlight." she said with more curiosity to see him.

"Ah! Um, get ready to fly, you are about to see me." he said rising a little on his Mama's pouch, with his dark eyes and the face which he knows is the ugly.

"Why would I fly seeing this face, and hey! You are not ugly, stop lying"

These words, it does wonders perhaps, for it was the first time he has heard someone say it, he thought he knew she is saying just as a joke.

Well one thing he know now is that she didn't fly, he just kind of laughed within his head about it.

"You sure are then the nicest bird to say this" he replied with the smile on his face.

"Oh no! I was just saying the truth"

The conversation went on and on, from about themselves to their likes and dislikes, just a few hours ago they were strangers, and now it was the opposite, from moonlight to the beginning of the sunlight they talked and talked. Hornbill had to go, it's early morning and she has to keep with her daily routin, before leaving she asked "I wish I could have stayed more, but anyways, I will visit you here again today, will you be here again?".

"Of that, I am not sure, but yes, I will really try to, I will ask Ma to come back here tomorrow night".

She nodded, and as she was about to leave she let out a shout "See you tomorrow!", "I really hope" she breathed.

"I hope too, nice bird" he replied as he watched her fly away to the distant rising sun.

(originally the topic - The Walking Kangaroo was meant to be a poem regarding human, but changed it to a story now)

The Feeling!

Has it ever happened again?
A Big Bang, an explosion that's as strong to
Recreate the nature, the water from the rain?
Life! The place! Where we can all belong.

Yesterday, can it happen today?
Not if today, but it will bloom someday!

Might believe it or not! Those who know it are the few,
After the long night comes the bright.
Gone, will be the time to make space for the new,
So trust it, there will always be a new light!

Ignore the old, bury it deep
Never to be seen, away from the present
Onwards comes a new day, comes the new Feel!

In the current, dont hold back, make the new investment!

Loss, gains, or best known as the experiences,
Own everything, learn and let go.
Vacant as it can be, dont surround the void with fences,
Enter the new, pour in and let it flow!

Yes, it happens again, 
On will come the Gem! All that is needed to do is
Unleash The Feeling!

Source - "the feeling"

The Problem

With every footsteps passing by, I grew, getting stronger each time I got ignored. This is how thrive, by their ignorance, I feed on their fear of not facing me. But this is not how I want to be, I unlike most don't wanna grow, it hurts when they let me survive and grow, for I don't even wanna exist 'cause they say 'The less me, the better', but what they don't know is that I am the result of their doings, their insensitivity. They just kept walking by, no one dared end me. Another one came by, he stopped by for a brief moment and my hopes went all high up again. It was until the last moment that I've had high hopes, but he backed up anyway. For a moment it felt that he is the one who would go a step further and help me out. But no, he was another passer by, but no, it was you!

Remember the pup crying out on that cold evening? Lost in those concrete structures which were as huge for his tiny injured paw. All he could do was cry out, and with all the capacity he did screamed his tiny lungs out. No one cared to stop by to those cries, they just blanked him and kept walking. His mother too was nowhere to be seen, all that left was his little hope for any help. You too saw him walking on the same road, you heard him too, you stopped and had a brief look at him. He saw too, and that little hope suddenly went all high up as were his screams. For he believed that the help has arrived, and possibly the end to his sufferings. Little did he knew that you too were coward and did not have enough courage to take a step further to help someone. He realized this too once you too started walking away, but he knew that you may have wanted to help, he saw it in your eyes, but as you did, you ignored and left. But me? I was still there, with every ticks and people passing I grew along with the sufferings of the little pup. Hours and hours passed by, and with no one stopping me I was powerful enough to take the little life out of that pup and I did! It was sad but I had no other option, I had to kill him, and no, I am not the murderer, it's You!

You definitely would remember that coin falling out of that boy's bag boarding the local train in hurry. How he managed to run through the crowd and catch in the earliest local! In the short run though somehow a 5 Rupee coin slipped out of his bag and rolled down the platform. You were there walking past by him staring at the coin as it stopped rolling down and lie there on the platform. The train didn't start as quickly as expected, it was at halt for 50 seconds. This time too, you wanted to bend down, pick up the coin and hand it over to the boy, but again you did not! You choose to ignore once again, thinking somebody else must have seen it too, let them do the work. This time it was only you and your ignorance. You choose to head towards your way, and the train it headed in the opposite direction too. Me? I too went with the train along with the boy. He reached his station and headed towards the rickshaw stand. But wait, now he don't have that 5 Rupees which would add up to the total fare. So he has no other option but to walk those 1.5 miles in the scorching heat to home, and poor boy did not even have that water bottle! Again this time, it wasn't me that made his journey difficult, it was You!

What about the old lady who had asked for help? Abandoned by her family, lost in the city, all she needed was some money to get back to her hometown. You know she wasn't faking it, not that she is asking money for made-up pity reasons, she actually needed help. You've had it in your pocket but you lied, refused and walked away. Not even turning around to get her something to eat at the least. The fate had it, I stayed with her, changing her situation, from bad to worse. She had to wait for another 4 hours until the actual help arrived, but those 4 hours must have been like days for her. The reason again, was You!

There are countless times when you had decided to let me grow and flourish. Whether it be a small lie from your perfect team, being addicted to  something, not expressing to her and many other times.

These were the individual ones though, I have evolved now, I am now in such form that it affects everyone. All those who do not see me will see it now, their every action to ignore will affect. I am summing them all up and the results will have a much bigger impact, for I am now the Global Warming. Let's see how much powerful you would let me be!

Sincerely yours,

The Problem!

Fast Forward - 5 Years

5 Years! One thousand and eight hundred days since the last post on this blog.
Its called "Cant Think", after this quick time-lapse in my life now I can't think why would I have blog titled as 'Cant Think'.

If I had been thinking, another post would have definitely be up on the blog, but yeah, I really cant think.

But, then why would I have so much drafts saved? With the titles like 'Counting Infinite', 'Kaash Likh Paata', 'Something Called Love', 'What time is it?' and my favorite 'The Origin'.
I had started with them all, wanting to write always, oh it amazes me that its been 5 years and still these unfinished draft remains the same. Like 'What time is it?'

Definitely 'Kassh Likh Paata' would have explained why I had these titles unfinished, but now I Cant Think what was I wanted to write in there.

What brings me back here?
I don't know. These are the things I started and now there is me again here, and blogger is still not dead, so I will finish them all.

Don't know if anyone lands up here, but if you are here, can you please comment to remind me to complete the remaining titles, in case I can't.

P.S - To me, if you are reading this again after 5 freaking years, complete what you f***king started.

P.P.S. Really hope no one reads this self note. Oh it looks a self note? Damn.